All anyone really wants is their voice to be heard and to be loved, both of which have fortunately happened for me. Now a man with life experience but with a somewhat sheltered (and at times naive) perspective on life, there are some things I've come to realize about myself. None of which are good or bad, per-se, but as a whole, paint a picture of struggle, addiction, love, pain, and infidelity; all of which led me to my journey to be the best man, father and husband I can be in the eyes of God.
Hopefully this will be the beginning of something wonderful and my simple words may inspire others to follow my path and to truly understand and BELIEVE that redemption and spiritual awakening is possible for anyone who so desires it.
To start out, I was raised well. My family didn't have a ton of money, but I had plenty of things (even if some were hand-me-downs from friends) I was fed plenty, clothed and most importantly, loved. Growing up in a small-ish suburban town on the west coast there was ocean to the west, mountains to the east and beauty all around. Most of which I was blind to as a young boy but now I've come to appreciate it all.
As I grew up and entered High School, everything began to fall into place. Sports were the center of my life and I was good at it. Classroom work was easy and while I may not have been the most diligent student, I did just fine. Fast forward to my junior/senior year and the scenario drastically changed, while sports were still a big part of my life, drugs/alcohol gave me a release from problems at home and social awkwardness. This trend would continue…
High School ended, I graduated and went on to pursue a collegiate athletic career. With all the talent in the world, but not a shred of common sense and ability to problem solve and be responsible, the athletic career never happened. Unfortunate, yes, but my own fault and believe me when I say I make no excuses for my transgressions.
After dropping out of school, falling in trouble with the law a few times (nothing super severe) and a long stint in rehab, the world was again mine for the taking. A job fell into my lap, and money was constant, honestly more than I really knew what to do with at the age of 21, so like any kid with no will power and a history of self medicating, I fell back into the same routine.
It was a life full of paranoia and fear. Fear of letting down my family and having to face my friends, fear of jail time and most importantly and sadly, fear of letting myself reaching my true potential.
It wasn't until I received the news of my first born child’s conception, that I began to understand that things needed to change. While I believe that the birth of my oldest child was the greatest blessing from God, my work was not done and I would continue to take steps backwards and to this day still do so.
In the days and months to come I hope to engage in laughter, meaningful conversation and hope to create a release for those who have struggled as I have. So buckle up and join me in my search for both the best version of myself, as well as a lifetime relationship with our Lord and savior Jesus Christ.
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